I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
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Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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