Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
