mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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