can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
