and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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