I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
whose parrot is this?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize