I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Drake has all the answers
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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