He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
