also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
