Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
