He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
