When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
