Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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