and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
