Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
