NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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