WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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