We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
