You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
