I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize