Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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