I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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