My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
