I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
