your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
