so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
