i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize