You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
