im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
