It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize