and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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