watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
