Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
