Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize