Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have aggressive nipples.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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