why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
