I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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