i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
