She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
