windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
