Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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