I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
