You can't motorboat a personality
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
