Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
