Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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