He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
