i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
