bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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