im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
