: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize