I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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