glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize