Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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