i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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