Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
