My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
