Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
