I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
time to smoke my breakfast
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
