Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
