Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
