I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
