EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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