i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
