I wish my penis had an off switch
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
