So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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