ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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