Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
40s are totally the cure
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
