Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
