1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
