nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You took a bar mat shot.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
