some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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